Fighting Fairly
Even the happiest of couples fight on occasion. But, there are ways to avoid a screaming match that doesn’t resolve the issue at hand. Here are a few tips on how to argue effectively:
• Never start a sentence with “you.” Once you start a sentence with “you”, the other person immediately becomes defensive. Instead, start each sentence with “I.” For example, make your points by saying “I feel sad when it seems like you’re not listening” or “I can’t stand doing the dishes all the time.”
• Don’t fight in front of other people. Besides the fact that you’ll make that person feel uncomfortable, neither one of you can truly speak freely in front of someone else.
• Avoid fighting about money. According to many surveys, money is the number one reason for fights. Fighting about money is ugly. If your partner doesn’t spend or save money in a way you can deal with, find calm common ground and work forward from that point.
• Live and let live. Specific behaviors can change, but not a person’s fundamental being. If your partner is jealous, for example, don’t hold your breath that he or she will suddenly trust you.
