When you first start dating, you have to keep up the illusion that you’re a perfect, poised, totally NOT gross person. Then the illusion starts to fade. So how long does it take?
A new survey looked at a bunch of weird relationship milestones, and asked 1,000 people how long it took to reach them. Here’s what the average timeline looks like. And men start doing almost ALL of these things before women do . . .
1. Kiss the other person when you have morning breath. Men start doing it at the 5-month mark. Women wait 8 months.
2. Start being honest about your finances . . . 8 months for both.
3. Be okay with crying in front of them . . . 11 months for men, 5 months for women.
4. Pass gas openly while they’re in the room . . . 9 months for both.
5. Be honest with them about their flaws instead of pretending everything they do is fine . . . 8 months for men, 1 year for women.
6. Stop dressing to impress them . . . 9 months for men, 1 year and 2 months for women.
7. Ask them to bring you toilet paper if it runs out . . . 8 months for guys, 1 year and 2 months for women. (Wait, what do people do otherwise? Not use toilet paper?)
8. Leave the bathroom door open when you go . . . 11 months for men, 1 year and 2 months for women. (We don’t know if that’s a #1 or #2 situation.)
9. Stay in the bathroom WITH them while they’re using it . . . 1 year and 1 month for men, 1 year and 2 months for women. (Again, the #1, #2 situation is foggy.)
10. Stop dieting . . . 1 year and 1 month for men, 1 year and 4 months for women.
11. Let them pop your hard-to-reach pimples . . . 10 months for men, 1 year and 7 months for women.
12. Stop working out . . . 1 year and 2 months for men, 1 year and 8 months for women.
The survey also looked at how many people in relationships have NEVER done some of this stuff . . .
10% said they’ve never kissed their partner with morning breath . . . 13% have still never cried in front of them . . . 23% said they’ve never openly passed gas . . . and 53% have never stayed in the bathroom while their partner was using it. (Okay, that HAS to be about pooping, right? There’s no way that many couples don’t pee in front of each other.)